New Year, New Me

In my daily bad habit of wasting time poking around on the Web, I've recently come across some blogs that really made me stop and think. I hate that. Because, despite the often frivolous content on this blog, I'm a pretty heavy thinker. So when I actually stop and think, well, I can get pretty deeply mired in it.

None of my thoughts are anything that hadn't been in the back of my mind somewhere. It's just that usually I prefer to keep them hidden away there. Then they're easy to deny. And sometimes, when there's work to be done, bills to be paid, dogs to be walked, groceries to be bought, it's just easier living in a state of denial then to actually confront those questions and ideas.

But with the changing of the year comes the inevitable re-evaluations and resolutions. I don't tend to make resolutions per se. I will lose five pounds. I will quit (fill in the bad habit of choice). No, I prefer to set wide-ranging goals. Things that are achievable and life-changing but can't be measured on a scale.

A few years ago I decided to step outside my comfort zone and take more chances. That opened the door to several new groups that I joined and to meeting lots of smart, interesting people.

I think now is the time for me to become more fearless. Because I know that the main thing that has held me back has always been me. Fear of failure is part of it, but it goes beyond that. Fear of making a fool of myself. Fear that I'm not nearly as smart or capable or talented as I think I am. (For example, I started this blog but was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it for months. See what I mean?)

I'm not entirely sure how I'll go about achieving my new goal. I'll probably make a list of some steps I can take. I like lists. Maybe read some inspiring books. Books are always good. But as long as I'm mindful of what I want (and part of what I want is figuring out what exactly it is that I want), I know it will inform any future decisions that I make.

I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, and I really do want to lose five pounds.

Have you made any New Year's resolutions? Can you recommend any books on confronting your fears? Let me know!